Monday, July 14, 2014

Too Much To Hope For (Jill)

They don't realize that I know I'm insane. I know just how messed up I am. I know that I'm ruining lives. Why do you think I left in the first place? Anyways, it's not like my plan actually worked. Here I am, alive, and most definitely not well. 

I don't tell people, even Kris, about the nightmares. I don't tell them about Mom, about what we did to each other. I don't tell them about how that tough, creepy, evil me is all an act. It wasn't at first, but now that I'm back it is. My hope is that if I succeed this time, maybe I'll die, and maybe I'll stay dead. This world doesn't deserve me, or the pain I always bring. 

If I hate anyone, it's myself, my father, and my mother. No one even knows about what I did to Mom. 1 doesn't even know, and he knows everything. Or almost. He's forgotten most of what he knows, but he has my old diary. He can piece two and two together. 

Maybe I should try again. I have my knives. 

I know that I deserve every truth they tell me, and so much more, but that only makes it hurt more. I lie about so much. Music doesn't fix anything anymore, and I've lost my interest in books. This really is my last resort. I'm going through the motions. 

I have a plan. I'll hurt 2. More of a scare than anything, but it'll be enough to seriously mess with 1. It will hopefully put enough space between him and 3 that I'll be able to die, and maybe stay dead. 

Is that honestly too much to hope for dad, is it?

Come Along, Pond

"Come along, Pond!"
the silly man said
there was a bow 'round his neck
and a fez on his head!

But with big tears in her eyes
the Pond walked away
There was no room for travel
or running today

The silly man stayed quiet
and walked back to his box
with tears in his eyes
he was off like a fox

The silly man wasn't silly
without his Ponds to play
and with his friends gone
it was time to stay away

We All Fall Down

The silence kills in the dead of night
A pitter, a pat, and you say your goodbyes

The strings always strangle in the gloaming light
They hold you too tight in the civil twilight

The heartache kills on the mornings bright
The chirping birds, they kill the night

Death's cycle and scythe spin round and round
Hitting all, until we all fall down