Saturday, December 7, 2013


The rag wiped over the table, leaving streaks of moisture in its wake. In the background, soft pop music sang. The message of the current one was something about a bluebird. At the moment, I wasn't really focusing. Instead, the finished wooden tables underneath me were receiving some serious scrubbings.
Brick walls hung pictures of racing horses like Secratariat and whoever else the owners fancied. Leather covered seats were cracked and worn, with stuffing peaking through. Glass windows showed a busy street with racing cars. No one saw the little café in which I worked.
Jazzy, the owner, stepped out from behind the counter. "You okay with closing, Edith?" she asked me. I gave a nod, a forced smile turned grimace apparent upon my face. The elderly woman's face brightened in graciousness.
"Thank you, so much. Remind me tomorrow at work, and I'll add the overtime to your paycheck." Once more my head bobbed. My hands still wiping down table after table.
Jazzy left and I was alone again, the worst situation for me to be in with previous encounters. After everything with Drake, I was just waiting for something else to go wrong.
Brown leather, a shade darker than the seats, was draped over my shoulders. The once warm and comfortable jacket was now worn and bare. After two years of constant wear, it was beginning to obviously show.
The music in the background changed to some rap song, and with a sigh, I walked over to the computer we used to pump the music out to change said song. Once I clicked the 'skip' button, my feet led me back to the final table. With one more swish, I finished the table part of cleaning. Quickly, the rag was set in a bucket of warm water under the counter. Next, the simple household broom was grabbed.
Just like everything else in Jazzy's Café, the broom was old, broken, and worse for wear. And just like everything else, it showed. Hand grips had been pushed into the wooden part, and the bottom was missing strands of straw. The rest were knotted or broken off, it seemed.
I began to sweep, almost daring someone to interrupt my solitude. It wasn't often that I was completely left alone with my thoughts, so I savored every moment that I was.
The tinkling of a silver bell above the door challenged me, as well as annoying. The first thing I saw was dark hair in some ridiculous braid. Second, there was the insanely high heels, tight shirt, and short skirt. It was definite who she was. Someone I would most definitely despise.
A heaviness caught in my throat as the memories came cannon balling back at me. I choked it back, finally looking up at girl. The snapping of her gum could be heard across the small café. I visibly flinched and I knew it.
The tapping of a foot brought me out of my annoyance, hurtling me back into reality, a meteor crashing through the atmosphere. Just like the meteor, I only seemed to bring destruction and desolation in my path. 
My head shook, and I leaned the broom against the wall as I hopped over the counter and behind it, earning a very disgusted look. It wasn't my fault I had gotten hooked on the parkourlike moves. That was all Drake's fault.
An apron was picked up and loosely tied on as I walked to the cash register.
"Ready when you are," I hinted rudely, still not looking at her face. I had no interest in seeing the garish clown make up she was bound to wear.
"Excuhusuh me?" the brunette snapped. I knew I smirked. Again, something I had picked up from three years of something that was little more than friendship with Drake.
"You're excused. Now are you going to order or can I go back to sweeping?" I asked, my voice sweetly sarcastic. Her hand flew to her hip right as I looked up. The garish make up was definitely there, but so was a painfully familiar face. Mattie Lou Carmichael. AKA my biggest pet peeve. It was just my luck that she would be the one to come here...
"Fine. I'll take a tall, skinny caramel macchiato with extra caramel and extra cream," she recited. I punched in a few buttons, holding my hand out of her form of payment.
"Four dollars even," I replied boredly. Her fancy credit card was dropped in my hand. I rolled my eyes, could she not pay attention?
"We don't take credit," I told her, drawing her eyes away from her phone and into my face. My face became amused at her evident shock.
"Eddie? OMG! I was so glad I never had to see your ugly face again! Anyways, have you seen Drake recently? Hard to keep tabs on him."
I flinched several times throughout her brief spiel.
"Horrible to see you too, Carmichael. And no, haven't seen Drake in years," I told her honestly. At least not in person. Everybody else had seen him everywhere, even me. Photos on the Internet of New York City's Most Eligible Bachelor. Partying, drunk, red carpet, supermodels on both arms, everything. My own personal vampire prince hadn't changed at all, not that he was really a vampire or anything.
"Well I definitely need to see him. I, like, totally just dumped his brother and I totally need another guy. And who better? Haven't been with him in like two years. I think it was like in April or something. Anyways, tell me when you see him!" she rambled. I flinched even more, tears coming to my eyes when she talked about supposedly hooking up with him. The last time we had officially been 'together' had been in June of 2011. That meant he had cheated on me, definitely multiple times if it was even once.
Thankfully, Mattie Lou left and I was thrown into silence once more. It was worse than ever before. The music sang about wanting to end their life, and that definitely didn't help me at all. So maybe I had never attempted, but after everything gone wrong, the thought had crossed my mind at least once.
Considering how the artificially tall girl didn't bother even paying, I canceled her order. I could finish sweeping, go home, and curl up on the dingy old couch I called a bed. After that I would catch the subway to my other job, a waitress at another small cafe, grab lunch, and come here for the night shift. Then I'd repeat the whole cycle all over again.
Yeah, I do realize how pathetic my life is. Barely making rent for a couch in the basement of an apartment building while working two jobs and not even getting enough food. Oh, and all the while I'm mentally pining over some idiot that absolutely broke my heart two years ago that's now all rich and famous, and I'm just a part of his high school years that he keeps constantly dissing.
Because of me.
The menial work was done soon enough, the broom put away and the key in the lock. The click of the lock was gone and pass, the key in my pocket, the door shut, my jacket pulled tighter, my head down, and I was gone. Time to catch a few hours of sleep before the next day.
A gust of wind blew me to the side, sweeping me off the sidewalk, and onto the grass of the lot. I stepped back quickly, pulling my jacket tighter and wishing I had least had a hood or a hat. Maybe even a scarf. But no, everything changed when Mom and Dad divorced.
Just like they changed when Drake dumped me.
Home was about another ten blocks away, and it was getting dark. If Jazzy knew I was walking fifteen blocks in the dark every night in the middle of Brooklyn, she'd force me to find somewhere else to stay. Or she'd make me take the suvway like I did in the morning, but I only took it then because a friend, as that was the closest term for Dean. He payed for my subway fares in the morning, when we took the same train at first, and I played the part of 'girlfriend' when Mother Dearest visited. Or for any important thing where a plus one was encouraged. 
It got my name in the public. Edith Lynn Roberts. Dating the successful young multibillionaire Dean Spacey. Drake would think I was happy, over him, successful, laughing. Everybody thought I was majoring in dance at London Arts (I could fake a pretty epic British accent). I had the body due to my malnutrition. One meal a day wasn't healthy.
Five blocks until I was home. That song about the bluebird from earlier kept running through my head.
How the heck does a broken heart get back together when it's torn apart? 
One more block. The couch was sounding nice. My feet were killing me in my owrn out white leather Keds. The blankets were sounding nice, proving a little more warmth, and maybe keep me from dying of the cold. 
Everything was so diferent compared to when I had started high school. Back then, I had been rich. Dad own a huge company that did something or other. Mom was a mediator. Jonah was the perfect son, and I the weird and quirkly adorable little daughter that everybody loved. Back then it didn't matter that I believed in ghosts and vampire and zombies. It didn't matter that I hung out in an old, abandoned graveyard. 
Junior year hit. I met Drake. I was still an idiot who believed in all those silly creatures. He became my vampire prince. My parents divorced. Jonah was caught doing drugs and got kicked out of college. Dad got drunk one night and lost everything he had ended up with in a game of poker. Mom disowned us.
And that all led me here. Barely staying off the streets. Working two jobs on a few hours sleep and an empty stomach. Playing the part of girlfriend to a genius whenver he needed me. It was pathetic.
Home. Or what I called it. The couch was welcoming, despite the fact that I could feel every spring. The blankets more comfortable than usual. And I broke down under my blankets. Curling into a fetal position as the tears flew as silently as I could bear. Home wasn't what I would call sweet, but at least it kept me off of the streets.

Friday, November 15, 2013

Down Another Notch

One by one you're all revealed
secrets from the quiet fields

Words are broken thoughts are lost
in the day we ought forgot

Meanings mixed up
mistaken for a lie

Sarcastic apologies
we all know how to cry

Memories stolen before they're replaced
everything we've done has gone to waste

Promises made and broken and kept
all that's left is me and here I wept

Stars are going out in the night
dropping one by one, leaving no light

Legends fail us and turn to dust
wishes and hopes are left to rust

Abandoned cities all over the place
belongings left in all of their haste

Alone and lost and confused as I watch
I know that you'll be here if I just turn the music down another notch

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Where's your scepter?
Where's your crown?
You're not the king
when I'm around

I paid the debt
you set for me
and so gosh forgive
the things I've seen

Falling down like dominoes
The sky is up
the ground below

Wrapped up in her silky lies
You'll never see
her traitorous eyes

'Cause one two three
that's the count I see
the beat I walk to talk to
everything I want to

Pull my hand back
curl it close
send it flying
towards your nose

It's been enough
You're dying today
So let me say
it ends this way

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Feel The Pain (Lyrics)

Never looking back
door is shut behind me
Turn the key and there's it's gone
(there it's gone)

Three foot solid walls of oak
blocking out the memories
a dam to the river of hopeless pleas

Feel the pain, feel the burn
Watch my eyes, as it hurts
Stretched out to
the highest height
Bungee jumped
through the night

And you dragged me back up to you
knocking down walls and bulldozin'
Careless shatters of heart of glass
The shards will cut you straight in half

And it's not even you, not really
You're just a memory, so silly
But just when they say you're name
it burns to say hello

So feel the pain, feel the burn
Watch my eyes, as it hurts
Loving at all the wrong times
Carelessness on all the wrong days
Dragged me back straight up to you
The window's glass and I'm looking through

Albums full of pictures
Smiles and kiss on the cheek
All of them are punctures
The lamp of kerosene
blow so pretty
(blows so pretty)

I'll close the door and lose the key
feel my pain, feel the burn
Throbbing chest it aches so deep
But come tomorrow you'll see me mourn

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Messed up people in a messed up world
runnin' 'round like headless chickens

A smile turns to a wink then a lie
a teardrop falls through open air

Screams punches and blood galore
fly through the sky like a meteor shower

Noises made from behind locked doors
Close your eyes and say it's alright

Lies are flying through the atmosphere
Close the door and pretend you're not here

Turn the music up so high
maybe one day we'll reach the sky

Messed up people runnin' 'round
An atomic bomb is counting down


How do I know you aren't the same?
How do I know that you aren't the monster that hid under my bed for years?
How do I tell the difference between the charming smile and the perfect eyes?
How do I know you're not just like him?


Those words you read
that you always wished were yours
well what if you could have them all
what if you could be invincible
I never wanted to admit I loved you
But it led me here to saying 'I do'
I guess things never happen as we wish
But if they did where exactly would we be

Thursday, October 17, 2013

RUINED: A NOVEL by Paula Morris

"Welcome to New Orleans: 
City of voodoo and beauty. 
Of hauntings and hurricanes.

Rebecca couldn't feel more out of place in New Orleans. She's staying in a creepy house with her aunt, who reads tarot cards. And at her snooty prep school, a pack of filthy-rich girls treat Rebecca like she's invisible. Only gorgeous, unavailable Anton Grey gives Rebecca the time of day, but she wonders if he's got a hidden agenda. Then one night, in Lafayette Cemetery, Rebecca makes a friend: sweet mysterious Lisette. There's just one catch.
     Lisette is a ghost.
     A ghost with a deep, dark secret, and a serious score to settle.
     As Rebecca is drawn into a web of curses and cryptic sustoms, she uncovers the startling truths about her own history. Will Rebecca be able to right the wrongs of the past, or has everything been ruined beyond repair?" (from the back of Ruined, a Novel by Paula Morris).

Out of the hundreds of novels I have read, this is the only one I have been able to read twice in one week. I almost got to three times before the week ended.There has been no other book like this, though a few that have come close. Morris weaves such interesting characters with so much depth and reality, that sometimes you forget that this book is fiction.The plot is strong and well done, with twists I never saw coming (and that says something).

Even though it has been about two years since I read this book, I still remember almost every detail. From the first words, you're captured as Morris' alluring voice drags you under the water like a siren might to a sailor. And when she finally lets you up to breath, you only want to dive down once more. Luckily, with her other two novels, Unbroken: A Ruined Novel and Dark Souls, you can. Or, like me, you can just read it again.

The characters in this book are strong and well developed, all having secrets and lives that you uncover one by one. From Lisette, the ghost herself, to even little Ashley, someone who was Rebecca's friend at some point. Also, unlike what seems to be a great number of books popping out along store isles today, this book isn't cliche, and the characters aren't perfect people. There is diversity like none other. You have your queen bee, the new girl, and the Mr. (Not So) Perfect, but you also have the half-crazed pyromaniac, and said pyro's little sister.

I would give this book about a nine and a half out of ten stars, the second highest rating I've ever given. The first going to Ray Bradbury's Dandelion Wine. So seeing that, you really know that, at least to me, this book is amazing. I definitely recommend it to anyone! Guys and girls alike. Any age over about eleven.

Rating wise, I'd give it about PG. Light cussing here and there is the only reason, but no more than two or three times. And it just takes more thought, being teen fiction and all.

Check out this book, like right now!!!

Saturday, October 12, 2013


Just a little broken
Just a little beautiful
Just a little lovely
Just a little wise


We're stealin' stars and drivin' cars
we take the cake and away we make
like rabbits and the rivers and turtles and the hares
never hear a frinkin' sound, yet here we are, we're everywhere

We wake before the dawn
we lie under the moon
the stars look down upon us
little kids before our doom

But here we are
we're rising up
you see the sights untold

We're kicking butt
we're winning home
and no matter what
we'll always know

Saturday, October 5, 2013

Me and You

I've reached a new page
a new beginning, fresh
the old subsided
forgotten, no less

One more start
with one less bruise
we all know the game
and we know how to lose

Rain, rain
it falls around
slipping, smacking
it hits the ground

We're like the raindrops
recycled and new
we hit this bottom
as me and you

Once upon a time
we were white as snow
the the war hit
and we weren't ready to go

But now we're clean
the cycle is through
for the final time
it's only me and you

A Confession

You walk both worlds, you've seen them collide
You can't always run, but you can always hide

The respect you have is never what you want
The wants you need are the things that daunt

What's this thing called 'good night, sleep'
When all you see is water so deep

You're like a poison with no antidote
You can't help but always be alone

You never seem to get what you want or need
When all you are is the diversity

You can't be labeled as anything but strange
You know no matter what this can never change

The pen is your poison, the writing your drug
No one sees through their feigned kisses and hugs

Talking isn't how you really communicate
but forever isn't always worth the wait

This person is you, deep dark and depressed
no matter what else you only want to confess

Monday, September 30, 2013


The final farewell. That's one thing to call it.

I swore I wasn't going to write anymore, but I needed to.

My name is Jillian Elms. I have fallen down the rabbit hole and passed through the looking glass. I hate Wonderland. There are some amazing people, but I hate it.

I've trained myself to fight. I've learned to shut people out, and shut them down. The white queen's brother hasn't been so happy about this, but he has no reason to be. Not after what I've done.

The cat was right. The red queen wants my head. I'm giving it to her. The red king is dead and can't talk sense into her. I lost the croquet game.
The flowers haven't even dried.

I'm folding my cards, but I already showed them to you, so what's the point? The maze is impossible to solve, at least it is for me. There's only one way to get back to Dinah and my sister and those daisy chains. I barely remember the river anymore. The waters burn, the devil's rapids, but they taste so sweet.

That's where I'm going. Back where I belong. Back where I deserve to be. There are no excuses for what I have done and what I have caused. That has been shouted to the world plenty of times.

Keep on smiling, Cheshire Cat. Someone here deserves to be happy. The white rabbit is on time. The glass has shattered and I'm below. I'd grown and shrunk and I don't know who I am. Maybe I'm the wrong Alice.

The Mad Hatter was nice. He made me feel at home. The March Hare gave some fun to it all, and the Dormouse gave us the sleep we all needed.

I daresay I'm crying. For the things I've done, for the things I'll do. It's my fault that the Jabberwock is dead. I went galumphing back with its head.

Here's the Bandersnatch's precious eye. It'll be needed if you want to survive.

I've walked a little faster, but I'll always be the snail. The porpoise has caught me, it's on my tail.

Your drinks at your tea party weren't the poison. The tea didn't kill me. The cookies haven't crumbled. The roses' thorns pricked my fingers, as red as their paint.

I wish I could say I love you, but I never was a liar.

Goodbye Wonderland. I hope you miss me.

Saturday, September 28, 2013

One in a Million

This is more of a prompt than anything (which I got last nigh from some friends).

1. Take a picture of a crowd, or some famous picture. The catch is that it has to be a picture the world doesn't know who it is about.
2. Pick a person out of the crowd.
3. Write their story. Before, then, and after.

I'm seriously excited to do this, and hope to be able to post some on here sometime!

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

I Remember (Lyrics)

Liquid feelings
jelly legs
no one tells me
how to feel safe

flower petals
fall away
carefully placed
in a horrific way

I remember your favorite things
stars in a purple night sky
I remember everything
I remember everything you ever told me

Dirt is sprinkled
twisted and turned
falling slowly
as they shut you away

Now you're gone
and I am here
resting troubledly
without you near

I remember your favorite things
lights appearing like shimmery stars
I remember everything
I remember everything you ever told me

Boxes packed up
and stored away
books are shelved
they won't be read today

Shivers in cold
shudders in fear
no one told me
you'd leave me here

I remember your favorite things
that leather jacket that never kept you warm
I remember everything
I remember everything you ever told me

Shattered glass
and a broken wood
like perfect round glasses
and a an oaken wand

Things you loved
and liked and dismayed
no one noticed
or thought it'd end this way

I remember your favorite things
black boots and white shiny Keds
I remember everything
everything you ever told me


Misty hues in greys and blues
no one sees, but me and you
Flapping, flying in the wind
Screaming, squawking without an end

Stems grow taller, flowers bloom
Cattails smile at tadpoles new
Lily pads float with pinks and whites
Trees and shadows cast sunlight

Overhanging leaves will fall
atop the frogs, tiny and small
reflection's glare across the sea
no one misses in obscurity

Darkness sheds the light so dear
and brings about a comforting ear
listening in with all its might
they share their secrets in the dead of night

Thursday, September 19, 2013

The Music Box

The small box may have looked like a piece of trash, but inside it was so much more. 

The aged, oaken walls hid a tiny, dancing fäerie that danced to various titles, all unknown to me or anyone of any knowledge that I had spoken with. It was as if my little fäerie friend was a creature of wisdoms unknown. 

Her eerie tune would play me to sleep and wake me up, day after day and night after night. Her light, lilting tune would relax my nerves and put me in a happy place. Her powerful notes and strides would fuel my passionate emotions and give me strength. It was as if she could read my mind. 

Twirling, the fäerie would dance. Her leg extended and arms raised as she stood on the tips of her toes. A green tint to her pale skin and elfish ears hinted at magic, but misty wings assured the light rumour she began. 

The song would change and so would my mood. Something deep and dramatic for a bad day, and something light and happy for a good one. She was my family, my home. She was my escape. 

Traveling with me, she witnessed fire firsthand. She saw death. She suffered damages and loss herself, a chipped wing to prove it. Yet still she carried onward, being the strong little fäerie that would not stop. She was mine. 

I would be the fäerie. I would be strong. 

Friday, September 13, 2013

Maybe You're The Problem (Lyrics)

Maybe you're the problem
Maybe it's not me
Maybe everyone else thinks differently

I fell down your hole called love
Never thought I'd see an end
Always told only lies
Always told it was the truth

But now I see the light at the end of the tunnel
But now I'm finally on my own
But now I'm out of that wretched hole
Cause now I am

You always said I Love You
I always thought you meant it
But all along I knew
It was all because of you

Maybe you're the problem
Maybe it's not me
Maybe everyone else thinks differently

They always said it was my fault
Called me names and insults
No one ever liked me when I fell hard
Not even you

Since everything you said was a lie
Since everything you told me was wrong
What do I mean to you now?
Now that I know

So maybe you're the problem
Maybe it's not me
Maybe everyone else thinks differently

You probably know this is for you
And how it's the story of us
Cause I remember it all too well
It's haunting me even now

You never were exactly innocent
I couldn't call you the lucky one
I couldn't say I almost love you
Even though every time I try not to
I almost do

Maybe you're the problem
Maybe it's not me
Maybe everyone else thinks differently

So maybe this time I'm right
A rare occurrence near you
So take this song as a Dear John note
Cause this time it's not me

Maybe you're the problem
Maybe it's not me
Maybe everyone else thinks differently
Maybe you're the problem
Maybe it's not me
Maybe everyone else thinks differently

Saturday, September 7, 2013


I guess I finally want to share this. That or I can't handle it anymore. There are a lot of things I can't handle anymore, but this is the easiest one to spill.

I had gone three weeks with my good side, this side, out. I hadn't suspected anything, just hoped that maybe life was going in my favor for what felt like the first time in years.

I couldn't have been more wrong.

When those people kept asking me if my other side can hide things from me, I lied. It can. It does. I have moments in my life that are blanks.That's how I can tell when my other side was out. That and when my memory goes hazy at moments. That's how I know a switch is coming.

The strange thing with the incident, though, is that there wasn't that unwelcome haziness that used to always ease me into it. It just popped up on me. Two weeks passed and before I knew it, I was at camp. There are two weeks where I have no memory.

I hate to lie. I hate to hurt people, but I have. I've done it before, and if I don't take care of this, then I'll only do it again.

So I guess this is goodbye, Mom. And everyone else. I could say I'm sorry, but I'm not really sure if I am.

I hope you don't miss me too much.

Maybe (Lyrics)

Maybe the cat was right when he called us all mad
Maybe tomorrow's light will never be sad
And then there's a maybe
A maybe for you
A maybe for all of us
And maybe me too

Foolish and immature
you said we'll get nowhere
Little dis we ever know
You ended up right

So maybe the cat was right
And maybe in tomorrows' light
Maybe it'll be more than you and me

Maybe in the end
We'll end up as just as friends
But maybe like what he said
That's all a lie
Oh that's all a lie

Maybe the cat was right when he called us mad
There's all these different pathways to take
This way and thataway and here and then there
We just have to choose wherever we go

So here's a maybe just for you and ms
Here's a maybe that will help us choose
'cause I've been thinking lately and maybe I love you

Thursday, September 5, 2013


Things are going to be different now, and that's that. My plan has been put into action,after some serious editing, and it's staying that way.

My plan is revenge, and following through with my other side's silly goals, all in one. Anderson gave me hope that maybe one day I could lead a normal life,mug that's the biggest load of crap ever to exist and we all know it. I said I wanted to break through his shell, but I'm not stopping there. I'm going to break him so hard he shatters.

And I'm going to be the only one laughing.

All We Are Part Two

Make sure you read the sneak preview first!

As I walked nothing really happened, so while we let that happen I shall fill you in on more of my personal story. Saying I was poor was an exaggeration. I lived in a two room house in the slums of the city. My 'mother' wasn't exactly there. She was incredibly distant and usually drunk. My 'father' was worse. He was always drunk and abusive. Usually I evaded it but some days I couldn't. I had learned to defend myself early on and how to stay out of the house when I needed to. Everyone in my family did. Peter had already booted it off to college and it was as if Morgan didn't even exist anymore. I did get caught sometimes and was then used as a punching bag. I didn't try to hide it. The fact that my life was messed up was just that, a fact. No one seemed to really care anyways. Vi had been abandoned as a baby so she gave me all the sympathy I needed. Dri knew about it but knew that I didn't need any pity so she pretty much acted like it didn't exist.

I heard the bus stop and pulled out the money I would need. Handing it to the conductor-y guy thing I went and took a seat near the back of the bus.

I had a dark blue hoodie on, a little lighter than the navy of Adria's wet umbrella. I was wearing some tee that actually fit (I managed to somehow be able to find those type of clothes) and jeans that had been in my possession for two years and were definitely starting to show it. On my feet were my old running shoes I had gotten from Goodwill last time my shoes wore out. No one seemed to notice that I only had two pairs of jeans and a few shirts. This was surprising considering how I was one of the popular kids at school (I'm still not sure how).

Slipping the hood of my sweatshirt down I leaned my head back and let my hair fall. I smoothed it out and pulled it up to represent a cylindrical shape named after a horse tail. I tightened the ponytail holder and added the other one from my wrist. Dropping my backpack to my seat I looked out the window to watch the world go by. Rain dripped down the glass aperture and I mentally raced the tiny tears. I remember an old friend once told me how it was like God was sad and the raindrops were his tears. I had laughed in her face. Needless to say we weren't friends anymore. That had happened with a lot of people. I was just so sarcastic and cold and rude and even cynical and I didn't really care what people thought that I just repelled friends. It was a miracle that I had Avia and Adria. We all had interesting tales on how we met.

The bus stopped and another person or two got on. It looked like a college student and someone my grandmother's age. I went back to watching the world go by. Shops and restaurants I had never once entered passed me by. Occasionally I would recognize a name or brand from something someone had once told me.

Several more times the bus stopped and people would climb on and off. It was never anyone I knew. No one ever sat next to me. Everyone was in such a hurry to get on with their daily lives that I was just another brick in the wall. After about an hour I saw the place and thought it may as well be a good place to get off. It looked like downtown with all the rich businesses. I knew a few kids from school lived down here and Vi and Dri had once dragged me to a party last year. That party was about the time Zoro met Dri. If love at first sight did exist then they certainly did have it. Their level of cuteness and perfectness was sickening sometimes. I stepped off of the bus and began to walk in a general direction. I walked across sidewalks and down streets. I cut through alleys and eventually ended up where my life totally changed. It was still raining and streetlights were beginning to turn on. In the area I was located there were a lot of houses that had businesses in front. It was the complete opposite of the slums where I lived.

"Are you alright, Hun? Do you need a phone?" a voice called out from one of the houses. It was a lady who was on the shorter side, maybe five foot four, and slightly pudgy. She seemed really nice.

"Oh I'm alright," I responded with a fake smile.

"At least come in and wait until the rain lets up! It's wretched out here!" Knowing that there was no use arguing I followed her into her house. From the looks of it she had some sort of small flower shop.

"I'm Delilah Cole," she introduced herself with a warm smile.

"Ravyn," I replied, shrugging my hands into the pocket of my jacket/sweatshirt/hoodie. I didn't know or care about the difference between them. All I know is that my jacket zipped up.

"Here, sit down here." Delilah motioned to a stool at her kitchen counter and I obliged. I didn't move my backpack. I didn't expect to stay long.

"What school do you go to?" She asked again.

"Windworth High," I answered. Her face gained an upgrade to her smile.

"Really? My son goes there. His name is Excalibur, any chance you know him?" I hid my emotions. Cal was the newer kid who was British. All the girls had a thing for him, except for Adria. Even Avia liked him, and we (you and I) both know (as of now) that she may or may not be very much infatuated with a kid named Gavin. I acknowledged his presence and the fact that he was incredibly good looking. That was where it ended. We hung out with the same people and he hated me. It was very simple. Instead of saying any of this I went with an easy one word answer.

"Yeah." Delilah nodded, her smile never ebbing.

"He should be home soon. He has some sport or something. I'm not even sure anymore." It was true that Cal did a lot of sports. He was probably one of the best athletes our school had.

"What's that on your cheek?" Delilah seemed worried as she stirred the noodles. I remembered the time I had been hit with a vase or something and gotten a scar on my cheek. It was from several years ago and wasn't the most noticeable anymore.

"An old scar." I just shrugged. Delilah seemed like the kind to worry over it unnecessarily.

"What from? No don't tell me. It's an issue at home. That's why you were walking around downtown wasn't it." Crap. This woman was good. I only nodded. No one had ever read me like that before.

"Well don't even think about leaving again! You can stay here until we can get everything sorted out. I take it you don't have any siblings left at home?" Another nod. This lady thought too much.

"Ah. My ex-husband was a psychiatrist and apparently I was better than him at figuring stuff out." I gave off a small smile, a real one.

"Well you'll just stay here for as long as you need. We have two guest bedrooms for when my daughters visit. They live with their father back in England." I nodded. I knew the type of person Delilah was. She didn't like the word no, in some cases. This was very clearly one of them or else none of this tale of mine would have ever happened.

"Mum, I'm ho-" Cal himself stood right there in all of his incredibly shocked glory. Just think about how he felt. The girl he hated for one reason or another was sitting there in his kitchen befriending his mother. And soon enough he was about to find out she would be staying with him and said mother for an undetermined amount of time. I would be shocked too, especially because I had been part of one of these situations before, and they weren't exactly common.

"Oh, Cal. You're finally home. You've met Ravyn. She will be staying with us." 

All Those Stupid Love Songs (Lyrics)

All those stupid love songs mean nothing
until you've gone through what they say
You always laugh at their stupid meanings
and then you feel that way

The sad thing is I'm OK with this
even though I'd go back and fix it
but I can't restart everything
because frankly, it's too late

But I'm ready for this
I'm always prepared
I've never had a steady relationship
or anything close until you snuck this way

You'll read this song
and all the others I wrote too
I'll make sure you know
why I feel the way I do

I don't know if it will ever have a chance to begin again
or if you will be the last friend I'll ever meet
but I don't know why I feel this much
over some as stupid as this

So this is the last song
you'll hopefully hear about you
hopefully all the anger is gone
but I know the hurt won't leave

All those stupid love songs mean nothing
until you've gone through what they say
You always laugh at their stupid meanings
and then you feel that way

Sunday, September 1, 2013


I'm destined for tragedy
No more room for love
All alone in this darkness
That somehow I call home

People come and go
But never do they stay
Always all alone
I must be just a stray

I haven't seen any pity
I've tried to feel some love
But still I'm just a traitor
Who tried to come above

I'll always just keep falling
My face is beginning to betray
Somehow maybe I'll save me
But that won't come today

Saturday, August 31, 2013

The Incident

I want to talk about the incident, a lot, but I don't know if I'm ready to spill quite yet.

Thing is, I don't know if I ever will be.


I think I've given up on emotions. What happens, happens, and that is that. I've also given up on feelings for other people. Yeah, maybe I've been attracted to Anderson in the past, but I'm ignoring that now. There is no chance, there never was, and there never will be.
It's just a fact I've had to face, and I finally did.

I don't even get the point of emotions. Sometimes, they are useful, but other times (and that is most of them) they are the worst thing in the world. Maybe in a few years I will try again, but for now I'll stick to ignoring them.

The pen was pressed into the paper repeatedly. It is clear that Jill was annoyed and angry, to say the least. 

Friday, August 30, 2013

Monster Monster (Lyrics)

Monster, monster
Come alive
See the ways the Gypsy lies

Monster, monster
Look at me
Look past all the insecurities

Monster, monster
Who are you
And what's the way our paths will go?

Because you're a monster
Because we're all lies
Because no one can see you
Or your demise
Because we're monster

Monster, monster
See through me
See through all the liberties

Monster, mister
Don't you dare
Don't go anywhere but where?

Monster, monster
Go away
Go until we can save the day

Because we're monster
Because we are lies
Because no one can see us
Or our demise

Because we're monster!

Monster, monster
Why have you trapped me?
Why did you steal a simple deed?

Monster, monster
Let me free
Let me through your dying seas

Monster, monster
You got me
So now you take me wherever you please

Oh Monster
Silly Monster
Oh oh
Don't you know he already had me
Don't you know he wouldn't sell me oh


Monster monster
Don't you cry
I'll be yours 
If you'll be mine

Because we're Monster
Because we are lies
Because no can see us
Or our demise
Because we are Monster

Ohhhhh oh
Because we are Monster
Because we lie
Because we hide
From forever's demise
Because we're monster!

Monday, August 26, 2013

Methodizing Madness (Lyrics)

Methodizing madness
Organizing schemes
Leaving all the good
And ripping all the seams

Conquering the people
Tearing through the night
Stealing up your powers
Flying through the sky

Oh we're methodizing madness
Organizing schemes
Taking all the innocent
Ruling as their queens

Dance until the day begins
The night will be young as we
No one wants to stop us
So why you staring at me?

Chaos is our specialty
Knowing million ways to die
Incurably crazy
Knowing why to ask why

Oh we're methodizing madness
Organizing schemes
Taking all the innocent
Ruling as their queens

Loving me
Loving you
You say it's real
But is it true?

They say were fakea
I say so too
Is it real 
Can I really trust you?

Oh we're methodizing madness
Organizing schemes
Taking all the innocent
Ruling as their queens

Crazier than a Chesire cat
We truly belong in Wonderland...
Cause we are methodizing madness

Oh we're methodizing madness
Organizing schemes
Taking all the innocent
Ruling as their queens
Ripping up the seams

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Boundaries (Lyrics)

Everything had such a horrible end
With sarcastic comments given like gifts
Everything turned so sour for us
Like at the end of a midnight shift

I lost my chance that I had with you
I guess I didn't know your boundaries
And I guess you didn't know mine
And in the end it hurt us both

We were so perfect and it felt so right
I always had someone there
I waited so long and for that night
But now it's all been crashed

I lost my chance that I had with you
I guess I didn't know your boundaries
And I guess you didn't know mine
And in the end it hurt us both

I feel like a tower of blocks
That was so tall but fell so far
I feel like a fire's been burning
Through every pore of my body

I lost my chance that I had with you
I guess I didn't know your boundaries
And I guess you didn't know mine
And in the end it hurt us both
And in the end, we were both gone