Sunday, August 4, 2013

Heritage and Destiny (Jill)

Do you know what it's like to know people fear you? To have them be afraid of your natural self? I don't control who, or even what I am. I was born this way and I have to life with it. I have to live with being alone among my peers, even if I try and be nice. Some are afraid to work with me, whereas others are afraid of what will happen if they do not.

It's not that I don't like my other side, but it's just annoying to have to live with this. I guess this is what happens when you are a daughter of Janus, not that that's a bad thing at all. I like being to be hinted on what will happen if certain choices and decisions are made, for myself and for others. Like if Annabell and Josh finally got together, it's bound to bring lifelong happiness for the two of them, even if they don't stay together that long. If perchance my current wishes came true and I was able to have a relationship (specifically with Anderson) then someone, not necessarily one of us, would gain some serious heartache.

It irks me that I can't share my hunches with others, that they don't trust me that much. Recently, my other side hasn't shown much evidence that it still exists, but I know from experience that it will pop up again at the very worst opportunity. It ruined my relationship with my mother and the carnies. No one knows this, yet. I won't let them. Keeping secrets may make a 'bad soldier,' but I'm okay with that. I can't risk ruining everything, again. Not until I'm out of here in about a few years. This is my last chance for who knows how long.

My name means 'young,' 'bitter,' and 'wise.' Jillian Marie Elms. I think it's all I'm ever going to be seen as. Young, old, and evil. But that I'm not some evil teenage girl with an older, eviler purpose. I'm me. Right now I'm lonely, lost, and confused, but I'm going to offer others their choices and give them time and doorways. It's in my heritage, and my destiny.

Doodled on the paper you see 'Anderson Shields' in neat cursive with hearts around it. You also see the names of her two knives and their English meanings. Eliectus-Choice, and Aevum-Time. This signifies her heritage, her destiny, and what she knows she must do, even if she won't accept it.

Jill does not know these writings are available for others to see, so keep hush-hush about it.